Words of Wisdumb by Scot Richardson

I have very reliable source that has informed me that last week some Syrian scientists sent out surveys for a super secretive serious scientific study that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that love is down an astounding18% across the world from the last time they checked in 1956. (Source: US nonsense bureau) Now, this may not seem like that much upon first hearing it, (or reading it in this case) but if you keep saying it over and over again, continually for days, eventually it will dawn upon you that 18% is almost 20, and that is quite a lot indeed.

So what has that done to the world? Well we are going to see what significance this has had through some indisputable pieces of evidence.

#1. There were exactly 18% less babies born in 2004 than 1956. (Made up Statistic.)
#2. In 1956, sodas cost only 5 cents. (Inflation)
#3 Brittney Spears, Nicky Hilton, and Jennifer Lopez accounted for 4% of 2004’s marriages. (Marriages does not necessarily include all marriages)

So now that we all agree that this is true, we must address what we should do about it.
And the answer is absolutely nothing.
Think about it. 18% less love also means that there are 18% less couples kissing at malls, 18% less people that are happier than you are, 18% less Journey cover bands, 18% less raisins, 18% less traffic on Valentine’s day, 18% less crying babies at Hometown Buffet, and last but not least, 18% less Hugh Grant movies!

But wait…there’s more. Let’s also not forget that there is 18% more of things as well! 18% less people in the carpool lane, 18% more need to have people marry on national TV, 18% more breakups to read about in US Weekly, 18% more boys/girls weekends in Vegas, 18% more single people on spring breaks, 18% more people making porn sites in their spare time, and 18% more cybersex!

Less love in the world also means population control, bitter but funny comics, and great pain to provide us with good music, art, and great stories for the 6 o’clock news!

So start thinking globally and pitch in your fair share. Kick a dog, stop stalking that girl at your work, laugh at an orphin, and maybe even get together with your family over the holidays and rob a grave. You’ll be glad you did. I mean, imagine what a better place the world could be if everyone just loved a little less.